Friday, March 7, 2014

Difficult Conversations, Part 2


After preparing to have a difficult conversation (see prior post), then you can determine whether or not to raise the issue at all using a set of questions starting with what you hope to accomplish and whether a conversation is the best way to accomplish it. You’ll also consider whether the issue is actually your identity issue and/or whether you can help the situation just by changing your contribution. Finally, if you don’t raise the issue, what can you do to help yourself let it go?

In a difficult conversation, your opening is critical. Most of us start with our own story - what we think, feel or need, e.g. “I feel disrespected by you. Can we talk about this?” The authors of the model suggest starting from a “third story” – the story a neutral observer would tell; a story that contains viewpoints that both parties would agree with, like “You and I have different preferences on when and how we should wash the dishes. I wonder if that’s something we can talk about? I need you to help me understand where you’re coming from on this.”
There are two more steps in the model, but I found the most value in the steps leading up to an actual conversation and the opening. Let me know what happens if you give that a try.

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