The Sound of Silence

While I usually share a coaching exercise and some quotes in each of these posts, this time the quote and the coaching exercise are one and the same.

Last week, I came across a quote I’d written down several years ago from Shirdi Sai Baba, an Indian saint. He said, “Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve on the silence?”

As I carried that quote in my thoughts over the last several days, a few situations all converged that made me decide that this is a good time to write about the subject of silence.

First, I came across some reviews of new book called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. In it, author Susan Cain writes about how “introverts think more, are less reckless, and focus on what really matters—relationships and meaningful work—rather than on the glittering but empty prizes of financial reward and job title. Introverts are Rosa Parks and Gandhi. Extroverts are economy-busting Wall Street CEOs.”* She posits that at times, all of us—even extroverts—would be better off being left alone with our thoughts. *The quote is from a review of Quiet in The Wall Street Journal by Philip Delves Broughton.

At the same time, I was reading a wonderful novel by Geraldine Brooks about the real-life first Native American graduate of Harvard College in 1665 (Caleb’s Crossing). It’s told from the point-of-view of a young woman in a settlement of English Puritans living alongside Native American tribes. Bethia learns over and over again “the use of silence” and both the gifts and frustrations it brings.

Finally, I was heading downtown last weekend and about to enter Times Square. ‘Darn,’ I thought, ‘I hate walking through Times Square. It’s crowded, it’s noisy; maybe I should go some other way.’ But I was already headed right there. It was early last Saturday morning and as I approached, I noticed something different. Some of the streets were cordoned off. There were no cars. And pedestrians were walking silently along the perimeter on the sidewalks while in the center of Times Square hundreds of people were seated cross-legged on the ground with their eyes closed. Meditating. There were perhaps as many people in Times Square at that moment as at any other time, yet there was a respectful hush; the only sound an occasional gong. It was truly an amazing moment: A moment when the sound of silence overpowered all else and when thousands of strangers – those seated in meditation and those who had the good fortune to stumble upon them – became connected.

All of these things – happening in such close proximity to each other - made me think about quieting down; about whether much of what we speak is actually necessary, true and kind. About what’s possible when we stop talking and start listening: listening to others, listening to our own inner wisdom, listening to our surroundings.

So that’s the coaching exercise for this post, whether you think about it for an hour, a day, or a week. What happens when you speak only when it “improves on silence?” What effect does it have on your thought processes? Your work? Your relationships? Can you tap in to the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking?

Telling Tales

“The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.” 

~ Muriel Rukeyser, American poet and political activist

Stories play a powerful part in our lives. The stories of our families and friends are those we share again and again; that define who we are and what matters to us. In 2003, I created a leadership course for the City of Redwood City that was focused on storytelling. Here’s the rationale I shared back then:

• The right story at the right time can make a strong connection with your listener
• Telling a story lets you approach a problem indirectly, working past the defenses of your listener
• A story can establish a common vision
• A well thought-out story can make the complex understandable
• A story can give meaning and context to your work
• A story touches the emotions; enabling your message to reach both thinking and feeling types
• They’ll remember a story

Since that course, I’ve always kept a file of stories that I want to remember. Here are a couple of my favorites:

A man pulled his car in to a gas station and said to the attendant, “I’m new to town. What’s it like?” “Well,” said the attendant, “What are people like where you came from?” “Not so nice,” the man replied, “In fact, quite rude.” “I’m afraid you’ll find the same here,” said the attendant. Before long, another car pulled up and its driver asked the same question. When the attendant asked him about the people in his home town, the second driver said, “I came from a great place. The people were friendly and I hated to leave.” “Well,” said the attendant, “You’ll find the same to be true of this town.”  The first man, now irritated, asked, “So what is this town really like?” To which the attendant replied, “It’s all a matter of perception. You’ll find things to be just the way you think they are.”

When engineers came to Thomas Edison looking for work, he would give them a lightbulb and ask, “How much water will it hold?”  Engineers who used gauges to measure all the angles of the bulb and then calculate the surface area (taking 20 minutes) were shown the door.  Those who took about a minute to pour water in to the bulb and then pour that in to a measuring cup were hired.

In addition to parables like these, sharing stories of things that have happened to you has the power to heal, to help others overcome their obstacles, and to deepen relationships. The coaching exercises below can help you integrate stories in to your work or personal life.

And may you all live happily ever after,

~ Sophie

COACHING EXERCISES

·       Start a story storehouse. This can be a computer file, as I have, or a file of scraps or index cards. Collect stories that you hear, that you read on the Internet, or that have happened to you in the storehouse. 

·    Once in a while, sit and think about what challenges you’ve recently faced and what you’ve learned from them and write them out.

·    Write about people you come across in your day-to-day life who are particularly memorable, or talk about them with your friends. They may make perfect illustrations of who you aspire to be, or who you want to avoid becoming. 

·    Read stories or novels. 

·    Read books like Storytelling in Organizations: Why Storytelling is Transforming 21^st Century Organizations and Management or The Anatomy of Story: 22 Steps to Becoming a Master Storyteller (If you do a search on Amazon.com for books on storytelling, these and many others will pop up). 

·    Post your favorite stories in the comments section here.

QUOTES I LIKE RIGHT NOW 

• “If history were taught in the form of stories, it would never be forgotten.” ~ Rudyard Kipling, author
• “There are only two or three human stories, and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they had never happened before.” ~ Willa Cather 
• “The best leaders... almost without exception and at every level, are master users of stories and symbols.” ~ Tom Peters
• “I hope you will go out and let stories happen to you, and that you will work them, water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.” ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes, American poet, post-trauma specialist and Jungian psychoanalyst
• "God made man because he loves stories." ~ Yiddish proverb