Assuming Positive Intent

I always take note when I begin to hear the same piece of advice in a few different contexts: Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something… Lately, that piece of advice has been to “assume positive intent.” My boss used it in an initial meeting with her senior leadership team to the effect of, “I may not always have time, and it may not always be my style, to ask my questions in a gentle way, but please always assume positive intent as my questions are generally coming from a supportive place.” A week later, I was at a conference where a team was sharing the “secrets” of their success. They mentioned that one of the first groundrules they established about working together was to always assume positive intent. And, then, during a discussion (argument?) with my husband, I heard myself saying, “But I didn’t mean it that way! I wasn’t coming from an angry / accusatory place. I was happy.”

It would be wonderful if everyone spoke and behaved as they intended to do. But experience has proven that we can’t – or we don’t. And yet, even though we know that about people in general, we take individuals' comments and actions at face value. We sometimes respond defensively, even angrily. We often assume negative intent.

There are many reasons to follow the advice to assume positive intent:

• When you assume that a person is attacking you, or coming from a negative place, you aren’t making an effort to really understand that person, or to connect with her.
• When you assume that a person is coming from a negative / angry place, that is where you go with your response and in your thoughts. You end up creating a problem where there might not have been one. You end up with negative feelings – and you’re the only one experiencing them.
• When you assume the best of someone, they often rise to the level expected.
• Assuming positive intent is a generous way to operate.

This advice has recently been highlighted for me. I’m going to take it to heart. Want to join me? Read on…

COACHING EXERCISE

Let’s try a week of assuming positive intent – in our jobs, with our partners, our parents, and our friends. Let’s assume the customer service representative or store clerk really is trying to do his best to help us; or that the reason someone is asking you a question is because they honestly don’t know the answer (not because they are trying to accuse you of something). Let’s take a moment before responding to consider whether there is any way that what we’ve been presented with has a positive slant, rather than a negative one.  

If you’re a person who journals, jot down some thoughts during the week about how this is going. Is this a stretch for you, or is it natural? What helps you to remember to assume positive intent? What happens when you do? How do you want to incorporate assuming positive intent in to your life after this week?  I’d love to hear how it goes…

QUOTES I LIKE RIGHT NOW

If you look for quotations about intentions, most of them take a “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” perspective. Here are a few that are more in line with theme of this post…

“Whatever anybody says or does, assume positive intent. You will be amazed at how your whole approach to a person or problem becomes very different…You are trying to understand and listen because at your basic core you are saying, ‘Maybe they are saying something to me that I'm not hearing.’” ~ Indra Nooyi, Chairman and CEO, Pepsico 

“We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions.” ~ Ian Percy, Motivational Speaker

“If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.” ~ Zen proverb