Beyond Congratulations

Do you respond this way when someone shares good news with you?

• “That’s nice. Should we get the check? We’ll be late to the movie.”
• “That’s great! And did I tell you my news?”
• “Wow. That promotion is big! I hope it’s not too stressful with all that you have going on.”

Responses to positive news can be active or passive, constructive or destructive. A passive, constructive response is understated. It might sound like the first bullet, or be just a simple “Congratulations.” A passive, destructive response hijacks the conversation, like in the second bullet. An active, destructive response is basically quashing the accomplishment with a dire message, like the one related to the promotion above (or greeting the news of a new baby with, “Say goodbye to sleep!”).

You want responses to other people’s good news to be active and constructive, like this: “I'm excited for you. I can't wait to hear more about it.” The first part is the constructive part, “That’s great” or “Congrats!” The second part is the active part, “Tell me more.”

The next time someone shares good news, notice your response. Then see if you can offer one that is both affirming and curious.