Who Should You Give Up On?

My 200-word blog posts are back for 2020!

Recently, the CLOC team at UMD* was brainstorming how to work with a challenging participant in an ongoing workshop. We were batting around several ideas, most of which had already been tried, when one of my colleagues contributed, "It sounds like you’ve been very supportive and creative in trying to address this disruptive participant. And, at some point, you can't care more for them than they do for themselves." Such remarkable advice! I pressed her for more and she said, “Sometimes, I find myself caring more about the client's success than they do. In both consulting and in coaching, it's not a great place for the practitioner to be. Our job is always to support, but it's easy to veer from the ‘gently guiding’ space into the ‘I’m steering the whole ship!’ space. It's not productive for either party.” On whose ship have you taken over the helm – in your work or personal life? Whose success matters more to you than it does to them? Except where a person is in imminent danger, is there any one you need to give up on? What gifts might come from not caring more for them than they do for themselves?

* CLOC is the Center for Leadership and Organizational Change at the University of Maryland

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