Connect before content

My 200-word blog posts are back for 2020!

The best advice I ever got was also the most embarrassing feedback I’ve ever gotten - when a boss told me that, while my colleagues thought I did great work, they also thought I wasn’t having enough “water cooler” talk; that I wasn’t building relationships. I was devastated. I was a coach and a learning professional; I was all about relationships and helping others. But, she was right – I was more about putting my head down and getting my work done - and her suggestion to me that day was life changing.  She told me to “connect before content”; to ask, “How was your weekend?” “How was that movie?” or “Is your partner feeling better?” before getting down to the business at hand, before asking for what I needed. Doing so has helped me to slow down and to be present with people, and has made my interactions – in person, by email, in classrooms – richer and more rewarding. I tell this story when I’m talking about the power of check-ins at the start of meetings, or of feedback, or of courageous conversations, or, when I have an opportunity like this one, when sharing one of my most important life lessons.  

Sophie Oberstein is an author, consultant, coach, and adjunct faculty member, with two books slated for publication in 2020 – the second edition of 10 Steps to Successful Coaching (April) and Troubleshooting for Trainers (October). Her website is sophieoberstein.com.