After preparing to
have a difficult conversation (see prior post), then you can determine whether
or not to raise the issue at all using a set of questions starting with what
you hope to accomplish and whether a conversation is the best way to accomplish
it. You’ll also consider whether the issue is actually your identity issue
and/or whether you can help the situation just by changing your contribution.
Finally, if you don’t raise the issue, what can you do to help yourself let it
go?
In a difficult conversation, your opening is critical. Most of us start
with our own story - what we think, feel or need, e.g. “I feel disrespected by
you. Can we talk about this?” The authors of the model suggest starting from a
“third story” – the story a neutral observer would tell; a story that contains
viewpoints that both parties would agree with, like “You and I have different
preferences on when and how we should wash the dishes. I wonder if that’s
something we can talk about? I need you to help me understand where you’re
coming from on this.”
There are two more
steps in the model, but I found the most value in the steps leading up to an
actual conversation and the opening. Let me know what happens if you give that
a try.
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