The Gift of Feedback

My new boss recently gave me a piece of feedback. She said, “You have a lot of passion for what we don’t have. You need to be more of a problem-solver about how we can work with what we do have.” Her comments really got to me. Not only was there truth in what she was saying, but that truth meant that how I saw myself at my core was not how I was coming across to others. Because I do see myself as a problem-solver. I see myself as a person who believes in abundance – who knows that there is plenty to go around; plenty to work with. How come my outward behavior wasn’t matching up with the way I saw myself?

The beauty of feedback is that it allows another person to hold a virtual mirror in front of you to show you how you are coming across. And how you come across to others is the reality to them, whether you see yourself they way they see you, or not. My own coaching exercise this month has been to try to see myself from the perspective of others, and I’ve learned a lot in the process. I’ve learned that people can’t actually hear nice things I’m thinking about them in my head when I don’t tell them. I’ve noticed that being shy or introverted isn’t always perceived in a favorable way. Often, it’s read by others as just being cold. I appreciate my boss’s feedback because it’s given me an opportunity to think about how to adjust the way I am being outwardly to become more aligned with how I think of myself inwardly.

How is your outward behavior lining up with your own perceptions of who you want to be? Enjoy exploring!

~ Sophie

COACHING EXERCISE

Here are some things you can do to play with the theme of this post:

• Find opportunities to solicit feedback on how others view you. Accept their feedback as a gift with just a “thank you” – nothing more.
• Experiment with being a “fly on the wall” during your interactions with others. How would you come across if you were watching yourself from the outside?
• Make a list of the ways that you want to be with others, or in certain settings. For example, with my kids I want to be approachable, caring and encouraging. Then try the two exercises above focused specifically on these things. To continue this example, I might ask my kids to tell me how approachable I come across to them (and respond with just a “thank you,” not a follow-up question, a rebuttal, or anything else), or I might watch myself in my next interaction with my kids and score myself on how approachable I was being.

QUOTES I LIKE RIGHT NOW

Earlier this month, my husband sent a letter to our daughter at sleep-away camp on a greeting card that featured the Eleanor Roosevelt quote, "Do one thing everyday that scares you." Surprisingly, our daughter took this suggestion to heart and tried new activities for several days in a row – from skateboarding to flying on a trapeze. Maybe Roosevelt’s quote will inspire you to do one thing that scares you. Here are some other quotes attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt that inspire me:

• "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
• "You can often change your circumstances by changing your attitude."
• "To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart."
• "You have to accept whatever comes, and the only important thing is that you meet it with the best you have to give."
• "Happiness is not a goal...it's a by-product of a life well lived."