From Guilt to Empathy

My 200-word blog posts are back for 2020!

Many people, myself included, are experiencing rampant emotions surrounding the world’s COVID-19 crisis, quarantining, and the uncertainty of when things might get back to “normal.” One of the emotions some of us are struggling with is guilt. I feel guilty because I am not a health care worker, postal worker, or grocery store employee on the front lines. I have a job I enjoy that I can do from my lovely home. My family and friends are healthy and safe. I do feel guilt for these privileges. On Friday, I heard psychologist Sunitha Chandy suggest a shift in thinking that I find comforting. She suggested that guilt is associated with having done something wrong. Guilt turns us inward and, instead of appreciating what we have, it causes us to shut down. Instead, she suggested, consider shifting guilt to empathy. Replace your messages of guilt with empathic ones like, “I am hurting that other people are going through this. I yearn for others to be supported.” And then follow that up with the outward-focused, “What is in my capacity to do to care?” I’m so thankful to Sunitha for this perspective. I hope it might help those of you feeling as I do.

Free Self Care calls

I attended a self care call this morning that was so lovely, it inspired me to offer something similar to a wider audience. If you would like to participate, I will host this free call for the next four Fridays from 10:00-10:30am EST (April 24th-May 15th). It is just a place to acknowledge how you are feeling in these uncertain times and to be good to yourself. Send me a private message if you would like me to send you a Zoom invitation.

Wisdom from Alan Alda

My 200-word blog posts are back for 2020!

A few weeks ago, I read a feature article on Alan Alda in The Washington Post that was inspirational. Here are two of Alda’s comments that got me thinking:

“I have this radical idea that I’m not really listening unless I’m willing to be changed by you.” I’ve been teaching people active listening skills for years, and this quote made me wonder when the last time I truly listened was. Yes, I can reflect back the essence of what you’ve said so that you feel seen and heard; but have I listened so that you can influence me, so that I can grow from your wisdom, so that your words change the world? I’ll have Alda to thank if I’m able to do that level of listening. 

On the existentialists he’d studied in college: “They said the meaning of life is the meaning you give to it.” How freeing! Rather than searching for meaning, you need only realize what is meaningful to you. And what an empty existence if you don’t do something meaningful – in my case, helping where I can. Without that helping then, there would be no life.

So much to unpack in these tidbits. What’s their impact on you?