Recently, I had a serious
let-down and called a friend in tears. Elise (whose name has been changed and
who has “approved this message”) is a lovely person and, I know, was
intending to help when she gave a response along the lines of, “Is that all?
You can easily rebound from that. I thought this was something serious, like
you were getting a divorce!” Despite having a healthy and happy marriage, I was
still upset about my other set-back and was reminded of a terrific TED Talk* by
Ash Beckham about how no one’s pain is greater than anyone else’s. Beckham’s
experience of being discriminated against might be as significant to her as someone
else’s experience of losing a loved one. My son’s experience of getting a bad
grade in school may be just as devastating to him as not getting a job was to
another of my friends, or as finding out that the boy she liked liked someone
else was for a student I was working with. Beckham advises we not judge one
another’s pain; that we show compassion and empathy. Let’s just treat each person’s hardships as hard and be there
for them as fully as we know how.
* "We're All Hiding Something, Let's Find the Courage to Open Up," September 2013.
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