Watch What You Wish For

Eric quit his job to pursue his dream of a career in graphic design. Design classes were demanding and paying for them, without his job, put a strain on his relationship. When Eric talked about these challenges, he heard, “But this is what you wanted,” or some version of, “Watch what you wish for.”

“Watch what you wish for” responses are disproportionately discouraging. They equate momentary discontent with having pursued the wrong dream in the first place. “This is what you wanted” implies that once you get what you want, things should be perfect, when we know that nothing is. These responses can make you feel like you can’t share your struggles along a path you’ve chosen for yourself.

I’ve been there: Afraid to complain about a career that I’d pursued or a house that I’d chosen.  Here’s some self-talk that helped conquer that fear:

• “I love my choices, and today I don’t.”
• “Right now I need some help dealing with the downside of my right choice.”
• “It’s natural to sometimes miss the way things were before this challenging – and rewarding - choice."

So don’t watch you wish for – Dream on! – and find a supportive listener when you need one. 

Finding Fulfillment at Work

How can you be more fulfilled at work? Here are some ideas*:

* For a longer version of this post, check out my profile on Linked In

Take control – No one else will say, “You seem unhappy; what can we do?” Take responsibility to make things better.

Contribute your talents and passions - You and your organization benefit when you contribute your talents – or when you offer to contribute a new skill you want to develop.

Look at your whole life – If you can’t improve things at work, improve things outside the office.

Remember your why – Nietzsche said, “He who has a why can endure any how.” What drew you to your job in the first place? How can you reconnect with that reason?

Know whether issues are within you or the job – Some problems follow you from one bad job to another. Do you own any portion of the problems at work?

Enhance your environment – Add beauty and order to your physical space. An environmental face-lift can lift your spirits.

Think about who you want to be at work each day – Add meaning to your work by focusing on who you want to be, rather than what you want to accomplish or what’s not working.

Deepak Chopra says, “Just as light brightens darkness, discovering inner fulfillment can eliminate any disorder or discomfort. This is truly the key to creating balance and harmony in everything you do.”  I wish you harmony and fulfillment in your work.

Communicating Your Strengths & Successes

This post’s title is also the title of a webinar I recently conducted.  In it, we discussed benefits and tips around sharing your strengths, as well as some of the mental blocks we have to get past in order to self-promote effectively, including:

• A job well done speaks for itself – It should, but in today’s fast paced world - the world of overflowing inboxes - your job well done might be overlooked.

• Others will brag for me, especially if I speak highly of them – They might, but if you aren’t excited enough about your accomplishments to share them, how can you expect others to be?

• Humility is a virtue – It is, so you may have to think differently about self-promotion. Perhaps the definition from Peggy Klaus below will help.

• “Good girls” don’t brag – Women are taught to share with others and not draw too much attention to themselves. Women are traditionally less effective at self-promotion. Ladies, get over it!

• “I know I can do better” – Also true, but don’t let the quest for perfection stop you from recognizing what you’ve been able to accomplish.

What are your strengths and accomplishments? And what are you doing to shine a light on them?

Good luck,

~ Sophie

NOTE: I’m cheating by not counting the following in my 200-word limit. Apologies…

“BRAG: To talk about your best self (interests, ideas, accomplishments) with pride and passion in a conversational manner intended to excite admiration, interest and wonder without pretense or overstatement – in other words without being obnoxious.” ~ Peggy Klaus, author of “BRAG: How to Toot Your Own Horn Without Blowing It”

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? … Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory that is within us. And as we let our light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” ~ Marianne Williamson, poet

Don't fight it

• Each semester my department offers at least one course geared towards administrative assistants. A colleague suggested we drop the idea as these inevitably turned into gripe sessions, rather than valuable workshops, which were also rated very poorly. How about instead, I suggested, we offer a “Handling Your Challenges as an Administrative Assistant” session; sort of a facilitated, structured gripe session during which we get their challenges on the table and brainstorm some solutions. The result was an effective and highly regarded program this past semester.
• I was walking down the street with a bag on my shoulder that kept slipping. For one block, I kept stopping to push it back up. For the next three, I held the bag comfortably in the crook of my elbow without slowing down.

Two very different examples of the same concept: Don’t fight it.  Where can you just go with the energy that exists, rather than creating frustration by forcing something? I know there are numerous situations where you can’t just “go with the flow,” but I’m betting there are also some where you’ll realize some terrific benefits by embracing what is, rather than fighting it. Let me know what happens when you try.