How are you coping with that?

Once in awhile, I come across a powerful question that I know has great value.  Yesterday I was exposed to such a question during a workshop called, “Detecting Students in Distress.” The facilitator – a psychologist – suggested that when someone tells you of a distressing situation in her life that you respond with the question, “How are you coping with that?”  Asking this, my facilitator said, puts you into listening mode and helps you better respond.  For example, someone who’s just gotten divorced might answer, “I sit at home in the dark eating ice cream every night” or “I joined a gym and I’m happily dating.” Obviously how you respond to each of these would be quite different.  I like how the question also relieves you of the burden of coming up with an appropriate response in an emotional situation.  I certainly wish I’d had that question in my repertoire when, a few weeks ago, a teenager my daughter knew took his own life. Rather than fretting over the right thing to say to her, I wish I’d just asked, “How are you coping with that?” I find many powerful questions are like this one – simple, somewhat obvious, but often overlooked.