Once in awhile, I come across a powerful question that I
know has great value. Yesterday I was
exposed to such a question during a workshop called, “Detecting Students in
Distress.” The facilitator – a psychologist – suggested that when someone tells
you of a distressing situation in her life that you respond with the question, “How
are you coping with that?” Asking this, my
facilitator said, puts you into listening mode and helps you better respond. For example, someone who’s just gotten
divorced might answer, “I sit at home in the dark eating ice cream every night”
or “I joined a gym and I’m happily dating.” Obviously how you respond to each
of these would be quite different. I like
how the question also relieves you of the burden of coming up with an appropriate
response in an emotional situation. I
certainly wish I’d had that question in my repertoire when, a few weeks ago, a
teenager my daughter knew took his own life. Rather than fretting over the
right thing to say to her, I wish I’d just asked, “How are you coping with that?”
I find many powerful questions are like this one – simple, somewhat obvious,
but often overlooked.
