Happy New Year!

Here’s another post inspired by having read The Happiness Project on my vacation last week. In looking back on her year of trying various experiments to become happier, its author, Gretchen Rubin, concludes that “the single most effective step for me had been to keep a Resolutions Chart (available at www.happinessprojecttoolbox.com).”

As resolutions are big at this time of year, I thought I’d focus on some best practices for creating and keeping resolutions and share mine with you.

Wishing each one of you a fulfilling, successful, and happy 2013!

~ Sophie

COACHING EXERCISE:  RESOLUTIONS

Step 1 - Determine what you want to do – Be as specific as possible, e.g. “kiss my spouse good bye every morning” is more actionable than “be nicer to my spouse.” It’s also a smaller step and therefore easier to accomplish and to build upon.

Step 2 - Articulate why you want to do it (for some people, this is step 1) – Do you want to kiss your spouse good bye each morning to better your relationship, to create harmony in your home, to demonstrate the level of physical affection you desire, to role model a loving relationship for your kids, or some combination of the above? Write down these motivators. They will make it possible for you to stick to your resolution when the going gets tough – when you’re rushed or angry and don’t feel like kissing your spouse some morning.

Step 3 – Set a timeframe.  Rather than making an open-ended resolution like, “I’ll kiss my spouse each morning” or “I’ll drink eight glasses of water a day” or “I’ll use the stairs,” which imply that you hope to do these things for the rest of your life, make your resolution a short-term experiment. Something like, “I’ll drink eight glasses of water a day for the next two weeks and note how I feel while doing it. If I’m noticing positive results, maybe I’ll continue for another month…” It’s much easier to commit to something for two weeks than to commit to making a life change. Plus, this reminds you to notice how your resolution is going and what results you’re experiencing and gives you permission to drop it if you aren’t getting results that appeal to you.

Here are two real-life examples of my own...

In the service of being present and of not letting the good moments in my life be overwhelmed by the more mundane ones, I will record a one-sentence journal each night in January highlighting the fleeting moments that made life sweet on that day (another Happiness Project idea).

In the service of acting in the way I want to be with others (positive and happy, rather than grumpy and critical), I will endeavor, in the month of January to give only positive reviews. That is, when asked what I thought of something, I will only share what I liked about it, even if I have to dig to find that thing. This truly is an experiment because I hold a strong belief that honest, constructive feedback is a gift, but I’d like to know what would happen if my honest feedback were all positive. There are some warm and generous people I admire who seem to be able to do this. Will I be more like them if I stick to the positive?

Along those lines, here’s my review of The Happiness Project: This book is sprinkled with thought-provoking moments and great quotes. Who can argue with its overall premise that we can set intentions that will improve our attitudes, and our lives, and then hold ourselves accountable to them? There are certainly some solid, universal ideas in here that might inspire readers to dig deeper. And Gretchen Rubin seems like a practical, vulnerable, like-minded person whom I’d enjoy having coffee with.  

QUOTES I LIKE FROM “THE HAPPINESS PROJECT”

• “The chief happiness for a man is to be what he is.” ~ Erasmus
• “Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; and where there is no talebearer, strife ceases.” ~ Proverbs 26:20
• “There are times in the lives of most of us when we would have given all the world to be as we were but yesterday, though that yesterday had passed over us unappreciated and unenjoyed.” ~ William Edward Hartpole Lecky
• “Nothing can make our life, or the lives of other people, more beautiful than kindness.” ~ Tolstoy