Don't Plan On It

I’m taking a project management course this week. My head is filled with SMART objectives, work breakdown structures, project requirement documents, and schedule planning.

While detailed planning is the right way to proceed before embarking on many types of projects and activities, it isn't the only way to move forward. Sometimes we need to press on even when we don’ t know what each step in the process will look like, or what the end result will be. 

An example of when we need to move ahead without knowing necessarily where we are heading is parenting. When our children are young, we have no idea what kind of teenagers they will be, or what kind of people they will ultimately become, yet we have to continue doing the best we are capable of doing to raise them. When they’re infants, we can’t imagine how we’ll handle it when they are 17 and we find pot in their bedrooms, but by the time it happens (if it happens), we will. There’s no project plan you can write for parenting.

A friend wrote to me today:  “It feels like an important time in my life and it seems to be on the right track. I read a quote sometime in the past year that has been guiding me: "Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you'll be able to see farther."* As much as possible, I'm enjoying the journey.” My friend has recently ended a several year relationship, is looking for a new place to live and for new ways to expand his consulting practice.  He’s moving ahead without knowing how his business is ultimately going to look, where he’ll be living, or who he’ll be living with. But he knows that as he takes action, more will become clear. And I admire his approach; how he’s chosen to be while waiting for that clarity.

Here’s hoping as you move forward, your vision expands,

~ Sophie

* Quote attributed to Thomas Carlyle, Scottish historian and essayist in the Victorian era and/or to American banker, John Pierpont Morgan. Gotta love those Internet quote sites!

COACHING EXERCISE

What do you desire (or need) to move forward with, even if you don’t know where it will lead? Is it doing some writing, even if you don’t know if you’ll ever get published? Is it thinking about some sort of move, even if you don’t know yet where you want to go? Is it making a big purchase? Getting married? Getting fit? Taking on a work assignment you have no idea how you'll accomplish? 

Your assignment: Go as far as you can see, and see what more you can see when you get there.

QUOTES I LIKE RIGHT NOW

• “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” ~ John Lennon  
• “To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.” ~ Anatole France, French poet, journalist and novelist.  
• “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” ~ Robert Lewis Stevenson, author  
• “It is far better to foresee even without certainty than not to foresee at all.” ~ Henri Poincare, French mathematician, physicist, engineer and philosopher

Show Up

•  At my wedding, a distant cousin and her husband told me that they attend every family occasion that they are invited to. “We got tired of only going to funerals,” they said. “If we’re asked, we say yes."
•   Recently, my mother attended a meeting that she really didn’t want to go to. She was tired, and she’d already been to enough meetings on the same topic. But she went, and she discovered that the evening’s presenter is working in an office where she once worked. Now she is advising him on a project and is excited about how that working relationship may continue to develop.
•   When my friend got divorced last year, she knew she wanted to find someone else who’d be a better-suited mate, and she didn’t sit around for one minute waiting for one to magically appear. She put herself in every situation she could think of to meet someone new – a triathalon team-in-training, speed dating, J-Date. And even if she didn’t meet any interesting prospects this way, she focused on what she learned, or how she was developing as a person, out of each one (and she completed a triathalon!).  

What do all of these anecdotes have in common? Showing up: Making an effort or putting yourself out there even when it isn’t convenient, when you don’t really want to,  even when you don’t instantly get the results you are seeking.

And showing up doesn’t just mean literally showing up – though that’s a critical part of it. Showing up means being visible once you get out there: making an event better because you were there, adding something to the situation that wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t there, connecting with someone in a memorable way.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I am good at neither of these things. I just skipped my 25^th college reunion. I say I need to widen my network in New York City and I haven’t attended a single professional association meeting. When I’m at an event, I often don’t make the kind of meaningful contribution that I’m seeking to make. In other words, my distant cousin, my mother, and my friend are my heroes and I aspire to be more like them. In other words, I’m going to be working on the coaching exercise below along with any of you who take it on. Because, like all of us, I need to show up!

All the best,

~ Sophie

COACHING EXERCISE

Part 1 - Show up. Where do you need to show up this week? Is there an appointment you’ve been putting off? Is there someone you've been meaning to spend time with? Is there an event coming up you’ve been dreading? The first part of this exercise -- Just do it. Make it there. Show up.

Part 2 – Really show up. Are you an introvert? Do you sometimes feel that people don’t really notice when you’re there? What can you do about this? Start with a baby step. Make a meaningful connection with just one other person, contribute just one comment in your next meeting, ask one powerful question of someone else in the room, give one helpful piece of advice. You are unique; you have a lot to offer. Once you’re showing up literally, think about what it takes to show up emotionally as well.

Then show up here – on this blog. I’d love to know how this goes for you, or your thoughts on this post. Leave a comment below. Or just e-mail me “off-line” to tell me how you're showing up. I’m always happy to hear from you. 

QUOTES I LIKE RIGHT NOW

• “The world is run by those who show up.” ~ Sometimes attributed to anonymous sources; other times to engineering expert, Robert B. Johnson
• "Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come." ~ Anne Lamont, author
• "I've found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances. Be more active. Show up more often." ~ Brian Tracy, television host